February 9, 2008

Altogether Too Much Fun


Saturday (and beyond) Satire

Over at Barkings of an Old Dog, Clumber has begun a detailed description of the Periodic Table of Anglican Elements. There you can learn of the remarkable properties of Schorium (Pb), Preludium (Mh) and Rowenium (Abc).

Clumber has also graciously published my own research on Lambethium (Cc), the heaviest of the noble gassers, incapable of forming bonds, and subject to radioactive decay. Efforts to enrich Lambethium by bombarding it with protestons in the new Anglode-Cathodic High Energy Decelerator (ACHED), have not been successful. Some have suggested just leaving it alone until all existing instances of the element simply vanish. Others persist in trying to synthesize it through the forced implosion of Wrightium, Ephraimite and an isotope of Spongium. Most researchers suspect that the presence of trace amounts of Rowanium are necessary as a catalyst, but a few studies have suggested otherwise...

Tobias Haller BSG

5 comments:

Country Parson said...

Tobias,
There is a side to you that remains hidden most of the time. I like it.
CP

Grandmère Mimi said...

Country Parson, you don't know the half of it. I was totally in awe of and intimidated by Toby until I met him. He is charming and fun and an EXTROVERT. I'm probably ruining his mystique forever and ever by letting this out, but I simply can't restrain myself. He was an actor, you know, and he uses his thespian talents quite well when he preaches. Not that he's over the top or anything like that. He gets it just right. I could go on....

Tobias Haller said...

Dear GM, you are in danger of blowing my cover. Just remember the excesses involved in the Valerie Plame matter, and as Lady Bracknell said, "I presume you know what that unfortunate movement led to?"

Tobias Haller said...

Clumber has, it appears, ventured into the earth metals with a description of Tobiasite.

In return, I have proposed making a few distinctions between Clumberium and Columbarium:

Clumberium (Cu, AN 29, AW 63.546) is a moderately soft and ductile metal, renowned for its flexibility and conductivity both of heat and electricity. Trace amounts are essential to most living things, but even small amounts can wreak havoc with life-forms based on the Halo-gene series, and significant amounts can prove fatal to them.

One of its first uses was in creating mirrors, due to its ability to attain a high polish, and it has been useful as a tool for reflection for many years. It is subject, when neglected, to a form of patina, and requires care for continued use in this manner. It is a notable component of a number of important alloys, all of which benefit and become stronger in combination than any of the elements alone. While non-magnetic, for some unknown reason it is strongly attracted to, and by, dogs.

Country Parson said...

Dear GM,
You are correct. I do not know the half of it. I knew Tobias in seminary and watched him across the chancel from me each morning and night. There, pious in his quiet holiness, I gained my lasting image of him.